i found in my book....

during my studies and open each sheet of the book, I found somebody's handwriting addressed to me, but I never know who wrote that note ...

benalu menjadi batu hingga akhir ku mengadu...

dalam hati tersenyum selalu hingga aku merindukanmu...

senja kalbu kumenatap hati..

dalam benak ingin ku berdiri..

hasratku mulai mencari..

kurangkul dan akan kubawa pergi...

berjalan dengan jiwa yang melayang menatap mimpi dengan kekosongan angan...

cinta dan harap ingin kau kembali sampai kapan kau akan sembunyi...

temu dan hilang dalam kenyataan...

suatu tempat dirimu kan datang..

tanpa dan kerja kau kan hadir..

akan dan selalu ku menanti....

tempat indah milik berdua...

menghabiskan sisa dihari tua...

sampai kapan akan bersama....

hingga akhir ku menutup mata.... 

NB: semoga kamu bisa ngerti perasaan aku ke kamu selama ini....

is there anything that could explain the meaning of the above article ..?

especially for you

why we never try to align what is inside, minds and hearts.

all is a gift from god, not because we are great or because we are a hero who oversleep.

we are rarely aware of what is really going on in our lives.

really easy ...
if you did not listen close ear alone, make it easy.

consciously or not, you actually know what is going on in your life today.

Who said I was perfect,, who also said I could understand everything.

long life is like a dead person forced to live again. Just imagine yourself in a situation and it seems that such conditions.

I do not say that life is good. have not as good as everything is in your minds. got something but still have no feeling.

want to know why ...??
in fact you already know, but you are pretending not to know, because you can only close the ears.

Just the way it had always been crooked and did not fit, why should a problem. Just run it as is and make it become more alive and meaningful.

hmmm ....
give candy, but it was candy at first lick. might as well give it candy package, more useful and meaningful.

believe in god hands...

I'm a women and i really miss my dad.

Lastnight i try to call him,,but my father can't pick up my telephone.

I just wan't to ask him,about my study.

I love my mom,,and today her b'day but i can't give her something special but in deep my heart i always try to give her the best. Love u and need u always mom. Ur the best mom in the world.

Sometimes u angry to me and u tell me about something but sometimes i disagree about ur opinion mom.

I have a little sister and i really love her.
I always protected her coz i scared if someday she's Not sucess like me. Oh my god,,i hope she have a good life not like me.

I have a big brother and i love him too. But i disappointed to him coz i always think in my mind he can't be a nice brother for me and for my sister absolutelly a nice son for my mom and my dad.

But in the future i think everything gonna be alright in god hands.

.i always believe in god hands. Coz god is know everything and god have my life and my fame life.

really miss u dad..

I often imagine what would I do if I suddenly found a magic lamp and when I rubbed it genie will appear and offer three wishes he would turn down.
The first request I definitely said he wanted to the past to fix the error.

This desire comes back when the break was nemuin Cher song titled "If I Could Turn Back Time". I look at the lyrics really fit really. I was attracted to the past again (again and again), that if I could, I want to swap anything to go back and fix everything.
All the misunderstandings that it words. Everything. In a dad who has been keeping and taking care of me for this.

How's dad now?
Because something and other things (that I can not describe here), we broke up communications He is angry. He was silent .. either to make the hearts of each comfortable or is there something to intervene in this matter.

I fad stupidity. Stupidity that must be redeemed by losing him. And this became my biggest regret in life, much bigger than all the mistakes and stupidity I have ever done before.
I want to correct errors. But it was never given a chance to prove it.

I've tried to contact him to apologize but never succeeded. Email and SMS are also the same, unrequited. Once I managed to contact him, rushing once again become a shield him or her to avoid me.
Though, come to think (from my point of view of course) error that I do not seberapa.Tapi why he got that much anger?
Eventually I gave up. I've tried to apologize. Affairs he wants to forgive or not. Hell, I do not want to give a damn. WELL, LET'S LIVE OUR OWN LIFE IF THAT It would be WAY BETTER!) It's my pride that scream). But somehow he's still my dad. I still need him as a father who will see and take care of evil people out there.

As if forgetting all the hurt ego as he closed the door of his apology. Garingnya missed expense, then remember the silliness we've ever made together, blemish-reproach is not important, criticizing each other. In the past when there was a problem, that it occurred to me the first time contact phone number is (always wanted) but always the answer he was again busy, never mind.
 First, wise advice flowed from his lips which are very powerful and soothing. After that we began to share the silliness of what we made that day, anyone who is not really important that day, finally .. .. Voila! Fog in my heart lost some where. That was then. 

 Honestly I really miss. He wanted to go back to the period without the burden. For this, I've tried to communicate this to a friend who also happened to friends of both of us. But because he was busy working, be a problem terlantarkan and so unfinished business until this post I input in the FB record.

Last night at the home of friends, I also opened forlder (family photos) that contains the photos when we were intimate once (which until now have not I sent to the Recycle Bin, because not yet willing). Laughter bitter and sad because it seems like these moments will not happen again. It occurred just want to contact him, but again unpicked trauma calls attack. Arhghhhh. awry. What is it I actually delete the number from the phone book phone. Along with all the details, also the messages is not important. Good bye old memories. Move on and walk away.

One thing I did not realize, that number has been embedded in my brain a memory chip. And it seems to go through the brainwashing process repeatedly to delete it.

One word that I want from him, there is no other word than the word sorry.
I promise will be the best and make my father proud.

sometimes words are rude...

tonight my inspiration is:
"sometimes words are rude" can make us:
- heartache for many years.

- cheerful attitude and happiness that there had been swept away by a word.

if somebody say:
⇒ you must answer: “kata-kata itu sangat menyakitkan”
⇝ if that true what can you do..??
⇝ maybe u're a loser..??

not.....
u're not a loser & the word not have a special reasons for you.

the problem is:
⇒ ur heart is too high or u're the prouder.

can make you:
- self-esteem, the desire to always respected and all of them go into high.
- honorable, noble and always feel perfect.

your attitude that will make you:

- irritable, easily hurt and always prejudiced against other people.
- you become brittle and are a weak person.


if you want to be strong:
- learn to be humble at all times.

"then the harsh words willn't mean anything to you"

humility makes you:
- become calmer and more tranquil.
- become more free and independent.

- HUMILITY IS THE SOURCE OF STRENGTH AND JOY -

- LIVE LIKE THE OCEAN THAT TAKES THE LOWEST PLACE ON EARTH -